Tagged with my life

The Grim Reaper Makes For A Strange Best Friend

Rapid heartbeat, can’t breathe, nausea, vomiting, sweating, light-headed, arms tingling, and entire body shaking. Oh shit! What is this?! Sitting up in bed I grab my laptop. Google all of the above. Oh Gawwwd! HEART ATTACK. August 5, 2012  4:00 am My husband wakes up because I start making some sort of whining, oh Lord I’m gonna … Continue reading

Adventures With My BFF The Whore

“Trina, we’re walking over blood.” “Yeah, I know, just don’t think about it.” Here we are, a 180 pound, 15-year-old white girl, (me) and a 200 pound, 15-year-old, black girl, walking deep in the heart of a bad neighborhood at midnight. Luckily, back in 1993 I could sometimes pass for a pale mexican, with dark … Continue reading

Twat Tales

When you’ve taken an $8.99 pregnancy test from Target or the one from a Ninety-Nine Cents Store (Which I have bought and used before) and it comes out positive, your next step is to get it professionally done. By, like, you know, experts in the field of pregnant humans. Since I didn’t have any medical … Continue reading

Confessions Of A Maniacal Girl With A Good Heart

1. Dear any and all future grocery line participants, Stop finding it necessary to be assholes. Why do you have an urge to make comments about a strangers purchases. If you’re standing behind someone in line only use your god given brain to think of ways to not be a douchebag. Please control your uncivilized ways, and refrain … Continue reading

Assault On The Precious

My husband recently purchased this exercise bike for the household. I thought it was the greatest idea since sliced bread. I’m gonna get my workout ON as easy as 1-2-3, A-B-C! (Said with ghetto twang) All I have to do now is: -Get up in the morning -Take the kid to school -Take care of the … Continue reading

Evil Creatures

To be serious about my health/weight loss kick, I may have to consider counting calories and carbohydrates. Now for someone like me who loathes math in all forms, counting anything is mental torture. If someone had a gun to my head, and started a statement with, “Billy was at a train station…” And ended that statement … Continue reading

When Did I Start Using Meth?

Yesterday, I felt like I had been on my vitamin regiment for a week, but I checked where I marked the calendar, and it had only been 3 days. I then wondered if I was a time travelling demon, because I could have sworn it had been a full week. Anyhow, I can already feel … Continue reading

10 Confessions Of A Heavy Housewife

1. Once again I’m determined to lose weight and live a healthier life style. I vow to workout at least five days a week, and vacuuming, scrubbing the toilet, and folding laundry totally count. As a matter of fact lets also add pleasuring my husband as a legit workout. 2. After ordering two of Jillian … Continue reading