Tagged with Humor

My Dirty Secret

I feel like I have a dirty secret, even though nothing about it is dirty or much of a secret. It’s more like something I’ll throw out in conversation, but I definitely don’t go into much detail once it’s been brought up. Ok, so here it is (deep breath) I live with anxiety, and panic … Continue reading

6 Hours

My record for shortest employment use to be thirty days when I was seventeen. Now, at the age of thirty-six I have beat that record. Recently, I lasted one day-six hours to be exact, at a resort with a great ocean view. Just to be clear, I quit. To date I have never been fired … Continue reading

Things I Should Do In 2014

NOT RESOLUTIONS **Purchase a purple zip up hoodie. Reason: I love purple. Why do I not have one already? **Start watching Breaking Bad and Dexter on Netflix. Reason: I think I’m just supposed to so I can be accepted by society. **Learn how to sew/crochet. Reason: No. Never mind. I’m already bored with thinking about … Continue reading

Maniacal Musings Part Three

1. In October I came across a television show called, “The People’s Couch” on the Bravo channel. For thirty minutes I watched people, watching T.V., and having exaggerated reactions to reality and scripted shows. It was inane. This show was based on a U.K. program called, “Gogglebox,” which I hope was in some way more … Continue reading

Maniacal Musings Part Two

–I heard French fry vending machines may be popping up in the U.S. They’re already in Belgium and making their way to Iran, Croatia, and Chile. And some people have the nerve to say there is no God. Actually, I believe this gets us one step closer to the morbidly obese futuristic world portrayed in … Continue reading

Mom, Can I Watch Hookers?

My daughter came up to me yesterday and asked, “Have you seen the show Top Hooker.” Stunned, not believing she said, what I think she said, I say, “Did you say Top Cooker?” Keep in mind she has been watching Food Network a lot. “HHHHookkeeerrrrrr.” Never hearing my 10-year-old say this word before and not … Continue reading

SMTWTFS

At thirty-five years old I’ve become that person. I have one prescribed pill and until a week ago I was doing fine remembering to take it. Then, it happened. What every person with prescription medication fears, “Did I take my medication?” “Shit.” “Did I take my medication!?” It’s thirty minutes past the scheduled time. Panic … Continue reading

Maniacal Musings

— A flexing anus in my face. Nails trying to claw my eyes out. The dogs. They are the only alarm clock I need. — No matter how many times I look up the word “necessary” I cannot retain its correct spelling. Spellcheck just fixed it, again. My brain is holding some sort of grudge … Continue reading

Me Giving Health Advice?

Today I had the urge to talk about food substitutions. A Bad Substitution (Yes, in my opinion): Aspartame Aspartame is an artificial sweetener used as a sugar substitute in some foods and beverages. You’ll find people who believe this is harmful to your health, and then you’ll find others who say it’s fine and dandy. … Continue reading