Tagged with about me

6 Hours

My record for shortest employment use to be thirty days when I was seventeen. Now, at the age of thirty-six I have beat that record. Recently, I lasted one day-six hours to be exact, at a resort with a great ocean view. Just to be clear, I quit. To date I have never been fired … Continue reading

Things I Should Do In 2014

NOT RESOLUTIONS **Purchase a purple zip up hoodie. Reason: I love purple. Why do I not have one already? **Start watching Breaking Bad and Dexter on Netflix. Reason: I think I’m just supposed to so I can be accepted by society. **Learn how to sew/crochet. Reason: No. Never mind. I’m already bored with thinking about … Continue reading

Maniacal Musings Part Three

1. In October I came across a television show called, “The People’s Couch” on the Bravo channel. For thirty minutes I watched people, watching T.V., and having exaggerated reactions to reality and scripted shows. It was inane. This show was based on a U.K. program called, “Gogglebox,” which I hope was in some way more … Continue reading

Maniacal Musings Part Two

–I heard French fry vending machines may be popping up in the U.S. They’re already in Belgium and making their way to Iran, Croatia, and Chile. And some people have the nerve to say there is no God. Actually, I believe this gets us one step closer to the morbidly obese futuristic world portrayed in … Continue reading

Maniacal Musings

— A flexing anus in my face. Nails trying to claw my eyes out. The dogs. They are the only alarm clock I need. — No matter how many times I look up the word “necessary” I cannot retain its correct spelling. Spellcheck just fixed it, again. My brain is holding some sort of grudge … Continue reading

Me Giving Health Advice?

Today I had the urge to talk about food substitutions. A Bad Substitution (Yes, in my opinion): Aspartame Aspartame is an artificial sweetener used as a sugar substitute in some foods and beverages. You’ll find people who believe this is harmful to your health, and then you’ll find others who say it’s fine and dandy. … Continue reading

Top Aggros This Week #2

In no particular order… 1. Makers of the Playstation. We recently joined the rest of the universe and bought a PS3 and it does not play Playstation 2 games, but will play some of the original Playstation games. Smarty pantsies who make this shit, that doesn’t make any type of goddamn sense. I would like … Continue reading

Assault On The Precious

I recently purchased an exercise bike. All I have to do now is: -Get up in the morning -Take the kid to school -Take care of the dogs -Have coffee -Then hop on, and peddle away these pesky pounds! Well, almost instantly I had regrets. I haven’t been on any kind of bike in donkey’s … Continue reading

You Think Your Job Sucks?

I’m standing in front of a toaster. (Intrigued yet?) Oh, it’s also the size of a mammoth, and it’s one of the most medieval devices I’ve personally come across in my life. This large rusty metal contraption rotates about 40 pieces of bread at once, and gives birth to toast after a few rotations. The … Continue reading

Evil Creatures

To be serious about my health/weight loss kick, I may have to consider counting calories and carbohydrates. Now for someone like me who loathes math in all forms, counting anything is mental torture. If someone had a gun to my head, and started a statement with, “Billy was at a train station…” And ended that … Continue reading