Twat Tales

When you’ve taken an $8.99 pregnancy test from Target or the one from a Ninety-Nine Cents Store (Which I have bought and used before) and it comes out positive, your next step is to get it professionally done. By, like, you know, experts in the field of pregnant humans. Since I didn’t have any medical … Continue reading

Maniacal Musings

— A flexing anus in my face. Nails trying to claw my eyes out. The dogs. They are the only alarm clock I need. — No matter how many times I look up the word “necessary” I cannot retain its correct spelling. Spellcheck just fixed it, again. My brain is holding some sort of grudge … Continue reading

Confessions Of A Maniacal Girl With A Good Heart

1. Dear any and all future grocery line participants, Stop finding it necessary to be assholes. Why do you have an urge to make comments about a strangers purchases. If you’re standing behind someone in line only use your god given brain to think of ways to not be a douchebag. Please control your uncivilized ways, and refrain … Continue reading

Top Aggros This Week #2

In no particular order… 1. Makers of the Playstation 3: We recently joined the rest of the universe and bought a PS3 and it does not play Playstation 2 games, but will play some of the original Playstation games. Smarty pantsies who make this shit, that doesn’t make any type of goddamn sense. I would … Continue reading

Assault On The Precious

My husband recently purchased this exercise bike for the household. I thought it was the greatest idea since sliced bread. I’m gonna get my workout ON as easy as 1-2-3, A-B-C! (Said with ghetto twang) All I have to do now is: -Get up in the morning -Take the kid to school -Take care of the … Continue reading

Evil Creatures

To be serious about my health/weight loss kick, I may have to consider counting calories and carbohydrates. Now for someone like me who loathes math in all forms, counting anything is mental torture. If someone had a gun to my head, and started a statement with, “Billy was at a train station…” And ended that statement … Continue reading

When Did I Start Using Meth?

Yesterday, I felt like I had been on my vitamin regiment for a week, but I checked where I marked the calendar, and it had only been 3 days. I then wondered if I was a time travelling demon, because I could have sworn it had been a full week. Anyhow, I can already feel … Continue reading