Filed under Personal Experience/Humor

Swamp Water

Wow it has been a minute since I added anything to this blog. I regret that but let’s try this again. I’ve been back in California for two years now, and coming back almost didn’t happen. The fear of the unknown is very powerful. Not to mention the mom guilt of taking my 13-year-old daughter … Continue reading

6 Hours

My record for shortest employment use to be thirty days when I was seventeen. Now, at the age of thirty-six I have beat that record. Recently, I lasted one day-six hours to be exact, at a resort with a great ocean view. Just to be clear, I quit. To date I have never been fired … Continue reading

Things I Should Do In 2014

NOT RESOLUTIONS **Purchase a purple zip up hoodie. Reason: I love purple. Why do I not have one already? **Start watching Breaking Bad and Dexter on Netflix. Reason: I think I’m just supposed to so I can be accepted by society. **Learn how to sew/crochet. Reason: No. Never mind. I’m already bored with thinking about … Continue reading

Maniacal Musings Part Three

1. In October I came across a television show called, “The People’s Couch” on the Bravo channel. For thirty minutes I watched people, watching T.V., and having exaggerated reactions to reality and scripted shows. It was inane. This show was based on a U.K. program called, “Gogglebox,” which I hope was in some way more … Continue reading

Maniacal Musings Part Two

–I heard French fry vending machines may be popping up in the U.S. They’re already in Belgium and making their way to Iran, Croatia, and Chile. And some people have the nerve to say there is no God. Actually, I believe this gets us one step closer to the morbidly obese futuristic world portrayed in … Continue reading

Mom, Can I Watch Hookers?

My daughter came up to me yesterday and asked, “Have you seen the show Top Hooker.” Stunned, not believing she said, what I think she said, I say, “Did you say Top Cooker?” Keep in mind she has been watching Food Network a lot. “HHHHookkeeerrrrrr.” Never hearing my 10-year-old say this word before and not … Continue reading

Maniacal Musings

— A flexing anus in my face. Nails trying to claw my eyes out. The dogs. They are the only alarm clock I need. — No matter how many times I look up the word “necessary” I cannot retain its correct spelling. Spellcheck just fixed it, again. My brain is holding some sort of grudge … Continue reading

Top Aggros This Week #2

In no particular order… 1. Makers of the Playstation. We recently joined the rest of the universe and bought a PS3 and it does not play Playstation 2 games, but will play some of the original Playstation games. Smarty pantsies who make this shit, that doesn’t make any type of goddamn sense. I would like … Continue reading

Assault On The Precious

I recently purchased an exercise bike. All I have to do now is: -Get up in the morning -Take the kid to school -Take care of the dogs -Have coffee -Then hop on, and peddle away these pesky pounds! Well, almost instantly I had regrets. I haven’t been on any kind of bike in donkey’s … Continue reading

You Think Your Job Sucks?

I’m standing in front of a toaster. (Intrigued yet?) Oh, it’s also the size of a mammoth, and it’s one of the most medieval devices I’ve personally come across in my life. This large rusty metal contraption rotates about 40 pieces of bread at once, and gives birth to toast after a few rotations. The … Continue reading

Do They Put Meth in Vitamins?

Yesterday, I felt like I had been on my vitamin regiment for a week, but I checked where I marked the calendar, and it had only been 3 days. I then wondered if I was a time travelling demon, because I could have sworn it had been a full week. Anyhow, I can already feel … Continue reading