The Pancake Whore

– When I’m home alone I still close and sometimes lock the bathroom door. Does everyone do this? What if someone walks through the front door unexpectedly and life as I know will be over. If a crazed psycho runs out of the woods and barges into my home I’ll be safe and secure behind my locked bathroom door, armed with hairspray and lysol. At least this is the scenario that runs through my head and best of all it makes perfect sense.

– Speaking of the bathroom, I’m the only person in my house who changes the toilet paper roll. Other family members will sit it on the counter and pluck away at it until the mother (me) puts it in the holder. Wait, on second thought, my husband did it once, but he put it on wrong and lost changing the toilet paper roll privileges.  Everyone knows the right way is the over hung method. Here is a link to prove how right I am. http://currentconfig.com/2005/02/22/essential-life-lesson-1-over-is-right-under-is-wrong/

– I would absolutely without a doubt leave my loving, wonderful husband for Norman Reedus. Norman just has to know I exist and say the word, then I am out of here like a meth addict on the way to their dealer. He should have put the toilet paper on the right way. 

– Side note: My husband would do the same to me when it comes to Gina Gershon. Mines better.

– I am sincerely curious if a prostitute, or anyone for that matter, has ever uttered this sentence and meant it with every fiber of their being, “I will suck your dick for some pancakes.”

Pancakes

 

– Does bitch-face come from nature or nurture? Apparently I am afflicted with this condition, but I’m not quite sure if I’ve always had it or if it developed over time. I’m leaning toward nurture. I’ve encountered such a high number of shenanigans in my life, that my face had no choice but to permanently stay in the what-the-fuck position.

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