1. If the Kardashians or Honey Boo Boo’s clan had British accents would everything they said make them sound like Mensa members (the high IQ society) to our ears?
2. Has anyone ever really been beaten to death with a dildo as seen in the brilliant movie, “Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels? And if so, was it listed as cause of death in their obituary and/or death certificate?
3. I found a dead spider under my pillow for the first time at the age of 34 on 4/10/13. I now believe my bed is unfit for relaxing and most of all sleeping.
4. Am I the only person who has sticky finger mysteries? The last time it happened I was sitting on my couch multitasking – typing on the laptop and watching TV. I lifted my hand in search of the remote and realized something wasn’t right. My damn left pointer finger was covered in a sticky substance. What it was and how it got there remains a mystery. I can’t be the only human being this has happened to.
5. After a week of living in a new house I discovered the toilet paper holder is scented. That is freaking genius. I didn’t even know that was a thing. I’m so late to the TP holder air freshening party.
6. When you trip in public – not even trip but have a slight misstep, why does it feel like everyone in the world saw you and is simultaneously calling you an idiot?
7. My ten-year old daughter woke me up this morning and said, “Can I get some breakfast up in here, yo!” I moved out of Hayward, California so this wouldn’t happen. At least she didn’t shank me in the side and say, “I be needing my breakfast in a timely manner, biotch!”