Hello Absurdity, Do You Like What We’ve Done With The Place?

In the last 2 1/2 years there have been nine deaths in my family. The most recent–my own mother. Two weeks ago at 6:45 am my father, through tears I’ve never seen him shed before, said she was gone.

Well, gone where? Was my first thought.

He continued to explain what had been going on the last few hours, but all I really heard was the part about her being at the hospital. Oh, so that’s where she had gone. What are they doing to her at the hospital? When will she be able to go home? My husband puts his hand on my shoulder and says he’ll call work and tell them he’s not coming in. Suddenly I was awake and reality hit. My mother, who was a few weeks away from her 66th birthday had passed away from a massive stroke.

Life is all sorts of different, for now and forever.

A further reminder of how short life is. A further reminder of how some things just need to stop. I was reading news on MSN awhile ago and a certain headline jumped out at me, “Pictures Of Celebrities Eating Ice Cream.” Seriously. I expect to see such a headline on a celebrity blogger page, or better yet an ice cream eating fetish website called, YouScreamForIceCream.com. (If that really exists I would not be surprised, but I’m not googling it to find out. To be clear, I do not have any knowledge of that being a real website) Another news site had this to say about their ice cream photos:

Here’s a major piece of news: famous people are, indeed, people, and as such, need nourishment and enjoy their vices (okay, we knew that already). And so, in the end, no matter how many awards you’ve won or magazine you’ve covered, you’ve got to eat — an inherently awkward physical act, mouth opening and closing, jaws mashing, remnants of food smeared on your face.

Amongst the most awkward, and thusly embarrassing, foods to eat is ice cream. A semi-solid that melts in all directions and smears like ash on paper, ice cream teases the mouth and demands full jaw opening, at the penalty of temporary culinary mustache. Seeing a celebrity, then, eating ice cream, is a sort of humanizing experience. Which is why we just can’t stop looking at it.

Oh, well yes, now it makes perfect sense. How stupid of me to find it absolutely absurd that someone is getting paid to take these pictures, and that (God help us all) someone is actually clicking through these photos as proof that celebrities are only humans with regular jaw movements, instead of otherworldly gods to worship and praise in a feverish and crazed manner. Thank you, ice cream. If it wasn’t for you the world might have never known us regular folk had anything in common with these celebrity creatures.

Reality: The only purpose of taking and posting these photos is to fuel the gawker fire the media is trying to spark within us all. The viewing of these photos is a waste of time and more importantly a waste of your life. Time you will never get back. It would be more productive to go and spy on your neighbor. At least then you’ll know what kind of freak you live next to. I will even say it’s better to check out the pictures of Kristen Stewart cheating, than of ANYONE eating ice cream for Buddha’s sake!

Absurd people, places and things are everywhere and they always will be. I feel like the word “absurd” needs to be used more often. I might as well adopt it, give it a forever home, and show it off as if I discovered a baby unicorn. What’s that, a six-year-old from Toddlers & Tiaras named Honey Boo Boo is the new biggest television star…ABSURD! (Ooh, it sparkles with power-of-words magic, doesn’t it) Shut your face and talk about something that is not a complete waste of your life. Watch her for some brain-shut-down entertainment, hell I might check out an episode, so I can mentally check out for a while. But for her to be proclaimed as the biggest star on television and for that proclamation to be made on the front page of my news site…no…nope…shouldn’t happen.

Apparently I’m finding all sorts of headlines bothersome. For instance:

“Dustin Hoffman Celebrates His 75th Birthday”

Asshole.

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5 thoughts on “Hello Absurdity, Do You Like What We’ve Done With The Place?

  1. 9 deaths is a lot to cope with in a short space of time like a year. I’m very sorry for your loss especially of a mother.
    It does seem that we get the trivial thrust upon us by the media who try to constantly fuel the fires of celebrity stalking to the nth degree. Rarely a day goes by without new report or new picture of a celebrity with a bra strap showing or having problems getting out of a car without being indecent.It’s beginning to seem that this is what they’re celebrities for.If the media promote this it’s because people lap it up and it sells papers but when you get down to it, it’s uninteresting beyond certain age group.

  2. Maybe it would be easier to stomach if you assume all celebrity headlines are meant to be ironic? That way you can take comfort in the fact that the writer knows how ridiculous it is as well as the audience and then everyone’s in on the same secret joke that we’ve all agreed to but never speak of.

    I am so very sorry for your loss. All of ’em. Stay strong and keep taking the piss out of the absurd world we live in (and yes, that is an underused word)

    • The biggest problem with the headline “Celebrities Eating Ice Cream” is the subject matter being completely idiotic, and even a waste of space compared to other celebrity nonsense. Thank you so much for your kind words. 🙂

  3. Hang in there…things get better. The ice cream melts and our hearts never grow cold. Working through things is difficult and sometimes absurd. Sending you a big scoop of cookie dough.

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