I recently purchased an exercise bike.
All I have to do now is:
-Get up in the morning
-Take the kid to school
-Take care of the dogs
-Have coffee
-Then hop on, and peddle away these pesky pounds!
Well, almost instantly I had regrets.
I haven’t been on any kind of bike in donkey’s years. I was warned that my back, legs, and arms would probably suffer for a while. None of those were a problem. The problem was the violent attack from the bicycle seat on my precious. I could only tolerate the assault for a few minutes before I dislocated my uterus.
I tried everything to make the seat bearable, and not feel like I was being violated. I folded a towel over the seat—no. I placed a pillow under my toosh—not only looked ridiculous, but was absolutely in no way comfortable. Finally, I ran to the internet and found another seat.
I found some the same shape, but wider. I thought that would work, but then I saw the seat sent from heaven. It is a seat made without the assault on the crotch part. It’s just two moving butt cheek pieces. I would like to meet the person who had the wisdom to make this seat. This creation has put a stop to the senseless intrusive act against my body.
Of course it’s not plush and super comfortable, but what did my fat ass expect. At least I am able to go long enough to work up a sweat, as I catch episodes of The Real Housewives of Orange County.
THE DEVIL a.k.a. Crotch Assaultinator
SLICE OF HEAVEN
This made me laugh hysterically. Also good luck with the non-rapey exercise!
Non-rapey is always nice. Glad you enjoyed this!
Hon! I’m surprised you lasted a day on Beelzebub’s bike seat! That would totally sprain my uterus!
And thank you so very much for cracking me up today. I laughed at this post from start to finish. The pictures were the special topping on this hilarious surprise!
(Musing.) I had a not dissimilar experience with an elliptical trainer and a husband last year. Basically, I strained my pride. I didn’t realize I was that out of shape. Also, elliptical trainers are, um, evil.
Just the word elliptical sounds evil. Thanks for enjoying my post and having a laugh!
Seriously– this was delicious writing. And yes, elliptical trainers are evil, but they work. So I’ve been told. 🙂