I recently purchased an exercise bike.
All I have to do now is:
-Get up in the morning
-Take the kid to school
-Take care of the dogs
-Then hop on, and peddle away these pesky pounds!
Well, almost instantly I had regrets.
I haven’t been on any kind of bike in donkey’s years. I was warned that my back, legs, and arms would probably suffer for a while. None of those were a problem. The problem was the violent attack from the bicycle seat on my precious. I could only tolerate the assault for a few minutes before I dislocated my uterus.
I tried everything to make the seat bearable, and not feel like I was being violated. I folded a towel over the seat—no. I placed a pillow under my toosh—not only looked ridiculous, but was absolutely in no way comfortable. Finally, I ran to the internet and found another seat.
I found some the same shape, but wider. I thought that would work, but then I saw the seat sent from heaven. It is a seat made without the assault on the crotch part. It’s just two moving butt cheek pieces. I would like to meet the person who had the wisdom to make this seat. This creation has put a stop to the senseless intrusive act against my body.
Of course it’s not plush and super comfortable, but what did my fat ass expect. At least I am able to go long enough to work up a sweat, as I catch episodes of The Real Housewives of Orange County.
THE DEVIL a.k.a. Crotch Assaultinator
SLICE OF HEAVEN