The best thing about the Thanksgiving holiday are the leftovers. The weeks worth of fabulous real meat sandwiches and grand full plate dinners. This year, my household had a weeks worth of a nasty stomach flu. When I should have been putting together creative new ways to present the same food items to my picky eaters, our house became Chateau Le Vomitorium instead.
My husband’s day of retch-en-ing was the very next day. My daughter and I relived our meal from the night before two days later. I’ll refrain from being too graphic, but I will not be having apple pie for the rest of my days on this full-of-other-heavenly-desert-options planet. It was most unfortunate that I had a piece Saturday night and began my illness at 3:40 am Sunday morning. It was quite a dominate part of my experience. I’ll stop there. Describing it in full detail to my husband and ruining his days of apple pie consumption was enough.
The first few days was a constant fight for the “good bathroom.” Yes, the “good bathroom.” We have two with fully functioning porcelain gods, but one is a bigger room with a working heater, and it has been as cold as a witch’s tit. That little room became our everything. It was our sanctuary and our best friend. Some crying for our mommy occurred in there, that didn’t actually come from the child of the house. (It was me)
By the third day the heaving had subsided, however we were far from healed, but damn we all wanted a fat cheeseburger. We had been consuming massive amounts of Powerade/Gatorade and soup broth, and wishing the Dairy Queen fairy would show up at the front door. With our current luck, if such a thing existed, it would have been the Taco Bell fairy. No bueno.
Cumulatively this house lost 17 lbs. This is not how I wanted to kick-start my weight loss. We gave all of our leftovers to my parents, who were happy to take them. What killed me was the thought of all that food going to waste. Still, even thinking of that mess of food brings on nauseous rumblings. Not only is apple pie on my “fuck that” list, but so is ham, turkey, green beans, mashed potatoes, stuffing, corn, and olives. I hope everyone is down for a scrumptious homemade Christmas lasagna.