Die Spiders! Just Die!

As far as I’m concerned all spider fuckers can be wiped from the planet. Maybe you can argue the insect population would be out of control blah, blah, blah and then I would just bitch about that. At the moment I am literally at war with these sons of bitches!

Even before I moved to the Oregon coast every home I lived in had its fair share of spider ninjas invading my space out of nowhere.  But in the home I currently reside in they are a daily pain in my ass. Not only in the home but inside and outside of my car as well. In almost two months time I’ve gone through countless cans of Raid and used up more paper towels and toilet paper on their demise then on anything else.

Orb Weaving little bitch asses continue to create webs spanning half of our side door. Luckily it is a convenient see through glass door and I can go out our other door and make the weaver sorry it ever crossed my path. Black widows love to throw surprise parties in the bathroom and above doorways. Unidentified creepers that look like they could give a nasty bite make themselves at home here, there, and everywhere! I’m sure somewhere spider lovers exist but I am not one of them. I just want them all to die. Tragically.

When we moved in it didn’t appear that the person who lived here before us ever destroyed any webs outside of the house. I have become obsessed with destroying them. These evil eight legged demons have even made webs all over the front yard in the grass. Personally, I’ve never seen that before.

A spider can ruin my whole fucking day. If I’m relaxing on the couch watching television and an eight legged bitch comes running across my lap, whether I’ve killed it or not, I cannot continue to sit and relax on the couch for the rest of the day. Twenty-four hours after being violated I will be able to return to the spot and relax. Is that crazy? Maybe, but I don’t give a shit.

It doesn’t help that directly behind this house is a hill and a ton of shrubbery. And I mean directly, like the backyard is mainly the hill with its shrubbery spider haven.

When I first sprayed Raid as high as I could reach outside the back of the house it was a waterfall of spiders. I was disgusted. As soon as we can afford an exterminator I’m definitely giving them a ring a ding. It’s not bad enough to be on the television show “Infested” but it’s bad enough that a chunk of my day is spent being really pissed off at these creepy, venomous, conniving little assholes.

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