Dear One Ply Toilet Paper,
Why do you exist? If you were not around, then you wouldn’t be an option at the store for my husband to choose from. Do you not know that my twaticus will make you disintegrate. Why put either one of us through that. My husband cannot be expected to read the package of toilet paper. So please, I beg you, do the world a favor and disappear. (Just like you did when I was inhumanely forced to use you) You are not needed. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but you have caused many unhappy moments between happily married couples.
A Concerned Frequent Bathroom User
(A.K.A Dumbfounded What The Hell Were You Thinking Married Woman)