My record for shortest employment use to be thirty days when I was seventeen. Now, at the age of thirty-six I have beat that record. Recently, I lasted one day-six hours to be exact, at a resort with a great ocean view. Just to be clear, I quit. To date I have never been fired from a … Continue reading
Things I Should Do In 2014
NOT RESOLUTIONS 1. Purchase a purple zip up hoodie. Reason: I love purple. Why do I not have one already? 2. Stop watching the VH1 reality show Mob Wives. Reason: By the end of every episode I have an overwhelming urge to get angry over nothing and punch someone in the face. And to pace around screaming, … Continue reading
Maniacal Musings Part Three
1. In October I came across a television show called, “The People’s Couch” on the Bravo channel. For thirty minutes I watched people, watching T.V., and having exaggerated reactions to reality and scripted shows. It was inane. This show was based on a U.K. program called, “Gogglebox,” which I hope was in some way more … Continue reading
Maniacal Musings Part Two
1. Don’t you hate it when your ex husband asks to live with you and your current husband, because he sucks at having his shit together? I know I do. And then out of the saintly-ness of you and your husbands heart you agree, but then you end up chasing him out like this… Buh-Bye! 2. … Continue reading
Mom, Can I Watch Hookers?
My daughter came up to me yesterday and asked, “Have you seen the show Top Hooker.” Stunned, not believing she said, what I think she said, I say, “Did you say Top Cooker?” Keep in mind she has been watching Food Network a lot. “HHHHookkeeerrrrrr.” Never hearing my 10-year-old say this word before and not … Continue reading
SMTWTFS
At thirty-five years old I’ve become that person. I have one prescribed pill and until a week ago I was doing fine remembering to take it. Then, it happened. What every person with prescription medication fears, “Did I take my medication?” “Shit.” “Did I take my medication!?” It’s thirty minutes past the scheduled time. Panic … Continue reading
The Pancake Whore
– When I’m home alone I still close and sometimes lock the bathroom door. Does everyone do this? What if someone walks through the front door unexpectedly and life as I know will be over. If a crazed psycho runs out of the woods and barges into my home I’ll be safe and secure behind … Continue reading
Random Ramblings Write Day
1. If the Kardashians or Honey Boo Boo’s clan had British accents would everything they said make them sound like Mensa members (the high IQ society) to our ears? 2. Has anyone ever really been beaten to death with a dildo as seen in the brilliant movie, “Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels? And if … Continue reading
Why Honey Boo Boo And Snooki Are Beacons Of Hope
Ridiculous, over-the-top personas are entertaining to a large number of people. That’s the big secret behind all reality characters fame and fortune. I don’t have any illuminati secrets to share so this revelation will have to do. My point is the universe would not allow such a bewildering phenomena without balancing itself out. With every person … Continue reading
The Grim Reaper Makes For A Strange Best Friend
Rapid heartbeat, can’t breathe, nausea, vomiting, sweating, light-headed, arms tingling, and entire body shaking. Oh shit! What is this?! Sitting up in bed I grab my laptop. Google all of the above. Oh Gawwwd! HEART ATTACK. August 5, 2012 4:00 am My husband wakes up because I start making some sort of whining, oh Lord I’m gonna … Continue reading
Hello Absurdity, Do You Like What We’ve Done With The Place?
In the last 2 1/2 years there have been nine deaths in my family. The most recent–my own mother. Two weeks ago at 6:45 am my father, through tears I’ve never seen him shed before, said she was gone. Well, gone where? Was my first thought. He continued to explain what had been going on … Continue reading
Adventures With My BFF The Whore
“Trina, we’re walking over blood.” “Yeah, I know, just don’t think about it.” Here we are, a 180 pound, 15-year-old white girl, (me) and a 200 pound, 15-year-old, black girl, walking deep in the heart of a bad neighborhood at midnight. Luckily, back in 1993 I could sometimes pass for a pale mexican, with dark … Continue reading
