Last night at 10:55 P.M. my world changed forever. I encountered a commercial that was a sign for “The End” that all the “experts” forgot to mention.
Because let me tell you something–when a product is created that requires for the consumer to place it in a microwave, and THEN goes from ones microwave to ones feet, then I am sorry, but something has gone terribly wrong, and humans no longer deserve the earth.
I am speaking of a product obviously from the devil himself called, Hot Booties. “Soothing heat to treat your feet,” says the commercial. Yeah, okay, heat on your feet to prepare your ass for fire and brimstone because you fell for this fuckery.
Alright, let me get real about the product for a second. The devil booties are filled with linseed that supposedly absorbs and holds heat. Each set comes with a bootie bag that is used to place the booties in the microwave to heat. The bag is supposed to be so your microwave stays sanitary, but seriously will the bag never end up on the floor? And yes, you can wash the bag, but then do you want your microwave to smell like a spring day? Or maybe they’ll throw in a sanitized glass case if you ask real nice.
You can purchase not one, but two pairs for $14.99. The deal being, buy one get one free, but you pay almost $16.00 in processing and handling for two pairs. And if you think that the linseed won’t start to get all “funny” in a short time, then you would be so fucking wrong.
One of their tag lines is, “Hot Booties Rock!” That’s to attract all the kids apparently, so they beg their parents for a pair. Oh, to be a fly on the wall when that gem was merely someones thought bubble, and then excitedly came forth out of their pie hole. And everyone else in the room exclaiming, “YES…YES…YES…I like it…now I’m loving it! That is the one! Good job Dirk! (Fill in your own douchebag name if you like)
The cherry on top of this cracked idea are Tim and Taylor, who do the online commercial. Where the ever lovin’ hell do they find these people. Do they send them to How To Be Annoying As Fuck And Brainwash America school? Either they both did a line of crack-cocaine before the camera started rolling, took a handful of Ritalin, or got shot with B-12 right up the anus.
Maybe I’m helping sell this crime against heaven and earth but check out the commercial for yourself at the link below. Beware: You might get sucked in and order them. And I won’t even hold it against you. To each’s own bitches!