Spam In A Can: A Love Story

Many people have yet to try this freakish godsend of Spam in a can. Just the mere mention of the word Spam to some people will bring on an over exaggerated mimicking of the vomiting process. My husband is one of those people. To some I say, don’t knock it ’till you try it, and as much as I don’t understand it, a few people just happen to not care for processed meats in general like, hot dogs, Bologna, sausage, etc.

Except for Philippine and Hawaiian cultures, who inhale the stuff because it has been integrated into their world for one reason or another, a lot of people feel this processed block is gross and beneath them. But a lot of those same people (from my experience) will shove a hot dog down their throat as fast as a five dollar hooker.  As a matter of fact if you compare the ingredients on some hot dog packages to a can of Spam the canned meat wins. Now if you compare with an expensive uppity ass brand of hot dogs, it won’t fair as well. A cheaper dog has up to 15 different ingredients, 2 of which make me look like an idiot in front of my 8-year-old. I have to sit here and sound them out like an illiterate trying to read for the first time. Spam on the other hand says: Pork w/ ham, salt, water, modified potato starch, sugar, and sodium nitrite.

So when you have to pinch pennies maybe hide the fact it’s Spam from your picky family. Maybe fry it up, stick in between a hamburger bun, with a butt load of condiments (like the picture above, doesn’t it look pretty), and perhaps they won’t ask any pesky questions like, “What the hell is this mess you just served me!”

Now when I was a kid we were quite financially handicapped for a while, so when I saw that slight gold or silver sheen followed by a dark sky blue come out of a brown paper back, (hell, I was just happy to see a brown paper bag, cause that meant someone went to the goddamn grocery store) I thought it must be freakin’ Christmas! I’ll never forget the actual thought that flashed through my head as a little girl, we are going to eat sooo good tonight! I couldn’t wait for my mom to unroll the metal top. Nowadays it’s a pussified pop top. Back in my day dammit, you had to work for that shit!

We would totally “raw” dog it too. None of that frying it up crap. I hadn’t even heard of eating it any other way until I was an adult, and didn’t really touch the stuff anymore. My mom would simply slice it up like a Christmas ham, and we made are smoke flavored, salty, moist sandwiches.

Until about six months ago, I hadn’t purchased a can of Spam, and the only reason I did (and the only reason my husband let me) is because we live in a tsunami zone on the west coast. So we try to keep a supply of food that can be used in emergencies. It went straight into our catastrophe food supply. Spam will be the bomb if shit goes down. Who knows, it might even become currency in a crazy effed up situation.

But I’m not gonna lie, many times since I made the purchase I’ve thought about ravaging that block of meat sent from the salty processed gods.

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3 thoughts on “Spam In A Can: A Love Story

  1. My grandparents got me to like it… I’m not sure I have it raw but I’ve had it fried and then cooled if that counts… When we were lucky enough to visit hawaii I noticed they served spam burgers at Burger King, I never had one but I couldn’t miss the big picture in the window from the highway. I guess it’s no surprise that I like fried bologna and probably salami… but I can’t stand those vienna sausages I think hit my limit as I was fed them as a baby or young toddler… same now goes for a cold hot dogs and I don’t care how are you cut them up…

    Anywho love your posts, love that they come to my phone now… keep writting and I’ll keep reading!

    • Even at Burger King in Hawaii, that’s too funny. I can still go for a can of vienna sausages from time to time, so can my daughter. I’m glad you enjoy and read my ramblings!

  2. I love spam. In singapore we used to eat another brand from
    China called Ma Ling but recently it was reported that they used diseased pigs to do the meat. Oh well! So Spam is like the ‘better’ version and I love it! Goes very well with fried rice! Try it!

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