My daughter came up to me yesterday and asked, “Have you seen the show Top Hooker.” Stunned, not believing she said, what I think she said, I say, “Did you say Top Cooker?” Keep in mind she has been watching Food Network a lot. “HHHHookkeeerrrrrr.” Never hearing my 10-year-old say this word before and not … Continue reading »
SMTWTFS
At thirty-five years old I’ve become that person. I have one prescribed pill and until a week ago I was doing fine remembering to take it. Then, it happened. What every person with prescription medication fears, “Did I take my medication?” “Shit.” “Did I take my medication!?” It’s thirty minutes past the scheduled time. Panic … Continue reading »
The Pancake Whore
- When I’m home alone I still close and sometimes lock the bathroom door. Does everyone do this? What if someone walks through the front door unexpectedly and life as I know will be over. If a crazed psycho runs out of the woods and barges into my home I’ll be safe and secure behind … Continue reading »
Random Ramblings Write Day
1. If the Kardashians or Honey Boo Boo’s clan had British accents would everything they said make them sound like Mensa members (the high IQ society) to our ears? 2. Has anyone ever really been beaten to death with a dildo as seen in the brilliant movie, “Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels? And if … Continue reading »
Why Honey Boo Boo And Snooki Are Beacons Of Hope
Ridiculous, over-the-top personas are entertaining to a large number of people. That’s the big secret behind all reality characters fame and fortune. I don’t have any illuminati secrets to share so this revelation will have to do. My point is the universe would not allow such a bewildering phenomena without balancing itself out. With every person … Continue reading »
The Grim Reaper Makes For A Strange Best Friend
Rapid heartbeat, can’t breathe, nausea, vomiting, sweating, light-headed, arms tingling, and entire body shaking. Oh shit! What is this?! Sitting up in bed I grab my laptop. Google all of the above. Oh Gawwwd! HEART ATTACK. August 5, 2012 4:00 am My husband wakes up because I start making some sort of whining, oh Lord I’m gonna … Continue reading »
Writers: Perception Is A Funny Beast
RANDOM PICTURE DAY! A RANDOM WTF PICTURE FOR THE HELL OF IT ~ Giant cat couch…I’m more of a dog person, but yes please!
Hello Absurdity, Do You Like What We’ve Done With The Place?
In the last 2 1/2 years there have been nine deaths in my family. The most recent–my own mother. Two weeks ago at 6:45 am my father, through tears I’ve never seen him shed before, said she was gone. Well, gone where? Was my first thought. He continued to explain what had been going on … Continue reading »
The Deal
They’re walking all over my house like they own it, and I’ve about had it! The worst part is I’ve caught them in my bedroom going through my private things, and damn near taking off with a picture of my kid. I’m losing sleep, and I’m at the end of my rope. They are the nastiest house … Continue reading »
WTF Sad But True Photos OR How I Wasted My Saturday Morning #2
I couldn’t help but waste another Saturday morning skimming the internet for humorous, and absurd pictures. I think most of us are guilty of this, myself included. Phone calls, real birthday cards, you have to put a stamp on, or even typing out a real email…YUCK! I don’t even think I have another soul’s physical address. … Continue reading »
Adventures With My BFF The Whore
“Trina, we’re walking over blood.” “Yeah, I know, just don’t think about it.” Here we are, a 180 pound, 15-year-old white girl, (me) and a 200 pound, 15-year-old, black girl, walking deep in the heart of a bad neighborhood at midnight. Luckily, back in 1993 I could sometimes pass for a pale mexican, with dark … Continue reading »
WTF Photos That Can’t Be Real, Or How I Wasted A Saturday Morning
This morning I wasted a bit of time skimming through pictures on the glorious internet. I came across cute, funny, and some serious WHAT THE FUCK pictures. If these photos are 100% real may baby Jesus have sweet mercy on humanity. Captions are my own, photos are not. Did his wife say if he didn’t … Continue reading »
